Tuesday, November 12, 2013

The Walking Dead Season 4 Episode 3: Tyreese, Carol, CUT IT OUT!

Oh my my my, episode 3 was too much!  Too many loads of crap, I don't even know what I would do if I had to deal with the stupidity!  Let's just get into it because basically this whole episode was one dumb move after another.  Remember, a real recap can be found on Entertainment Weekly, here.


Episode 3, message to Tyreese, I'mma need you to PIPE THE FRICK DOWN, in the words of Jenna Marbles.  OK, your girl got killed, but you don't know who did it, so don't be flipping out and threatening everyone in site like they're all guilty!  I can't stand when people take things out on people who don't deserve it.  If he were to think about it for 2 seconds he'd realize that she was just about dead anyway, someone just killed her a little sooner.  Not saying that it was OK to kill her, or them, but they were definitely going to die anyway.  Tyreese over there talking bout some, "Rick, you're a cop, you find who did this and you bring 'em TO ME!" First of all, back the fudge up!  Second of all...NO!  You telling him to act like a cop and find your girl's killer, and in the same breath you telling him to bring the person to you so you can be the trial judge and jury yourself?  EEEEEEE (buzzer sound), WRONG ANSWER!  Either y'all gonna follow the law or you ain't, it's not follow the law only until I feel like breaking it myself.  You don't make sense Tyreese, please go take a seat somewhere and PIPE THE FRICK DOWN!

See Jenna's video for more instruction.
Best scene of the episode was when Tyreese had the nerve to punch Rick for trying to get him off of Darryl (whom he already punched), Rick beat the incredible Hulk right out of him.  I mean Rick beat him to a bloody pulp.  WHOOP WHOOP!  GO RICK!  Rick ain't got no time for that!  Thank you Rick, for bringing Mr. Tyreese down a few notches.

But I really do feel bad for Tyreese.  He looked really pitiful digging a grave like a maniac with his one good eye.  Rick messed. him. UP!

Meanwhile, back in the jail, everybody and their mom is now sick with the zombie flu, including my favorite, Glenn :-(

Aww fiddlesticks!  So you're telling me that the genius who set the other two sickos on fire didn't stop it from spreading?  That imbecile and their grand idiotic idea to stop a virus that everyone had clearly already been exposed to wasn't able to turn back time to before everyone had all been hanging out together even after the first zombie flu attack?  I'll rant more about that later.

So now Darryl and the gang have to go looking for antibiotics for the zombie flu before everyone turns into, well, zombies.  They pick their best car, pack it, check everything to make sure that they will have a smooth trip, and finally they're ready to go.  They get on the road and what do they hear?  Voices on the radio, VOICES!  All members of operation antibiotics (the people in the car) are super interested in hearing the radio broadcast.  If it's current then that means that there are more survivors and probably a safe haven somewhere.  Yay!  Well everyone knows that you can't listen to radio voices using only you're listening organs, your ears.  Oh you didn't know?  Well let Darryl show you how listening should really be done.  See you also need to be looking at the radio in order to hear it.  But that's not enough either, follow Darryl's lead as he leans in closer to get an even better view of the voices that he is hearing on the radio.  Remember folks, Darryl is driving as well as listening, with his eyes.  This is where I scream at the TV, "eyes on the road Darryl!"  Nope, too late, after taking dang near 4 hours being extra meticulous in preparing the car, they crash it within 5 seconds, because the driver had to LOOK at the voices that he was hearing on the radio (voices are not seen! Why Daryl, WHY?)

What did they crash into?  Oh, just an elephant dump load of zombies.  Yes, they ran right into a horde of thousands of zombies (again with the zombies traveling in packs).  Obviously these zombies got a previous zombie's carrier pigeon note saying that people are that'a way.  So I'm assuming that all the zombies are on their way to the jail (good luck trying to hold [literally, hold] the fence up against all these zombies when they arrive)...

At some point in the show, Carol does probably the dumbest thing that anyone in a zombie Apocalypse could do, she leaves her safe zone (within the jail walls) to go out and do work that requires her to focus (unclog a pipe), WITHOUT A LOOKOUT!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  There's absolutely no excuse, she must be missing some brain cells, like lots of brain cells!  She's in a "town" that includes 10s of other people, she definitely could have asked someone to keep a lookout! Even a child would do (since many people were sick).  General rule of thumb, in a zombie apocolypse, use the buddy system whenever possible.  Get it together Carol!

On top of that, she obviously has her own rule, that you are safe until a zombie can actually reach out and touch you, because even though she saw zombies coming she thought it was OK to keep doing what she was doing until she was surrounded with zombies on all sides!  And if that wasn't enough, she stabbed a zombie but her knife got stuck, so instead of leaving it and running away to safety, she wanted to attempt to pull the knife out of the zombie's head.  She pulled and pulled up until a zombie came up and grabbed her.  Carol dear, is a knife that important?  Could you not have waited until later to go back for the knife, when the zombies thinned out?  I'm pretty sure the knife wasn't going anywhere since it was in a dead zombie's skull, the zombie's not moving so your knife isn't moving.  Just wait and avoid risking your life for reasons such as stupidity!  Food, yes.  Medicine, yes.  Stupidity, no!

Darryl and clan must abandon their car (after all that preparation, I just can't even deal with the fact that they did all that work just to basically destroy the car because he wasn't paying attention) because he ran over sooo many zombies that they piled under the tires making driving impossible.  They decided to do a "1,2,3, run for your life!" move to escape from the car that is now surrounded by zombies.  So on 3 everyone jumps out of the car and fights their way through the zombies and into the woods.  Woe-is-me-Tyreese decides that he wants to stay in the car instead of head for the woods (and away from the zombie hoard) though.  Somehow, although all the doors are wide open (because the rest of them ran for cover) none of the surrounding zombies went into the car to eat Tyreese, so he's just sitting there contemplating life and death (or maybe he's thinking about last night's dinner) until he finally hears Bob yelling for him to get out and run to safety.

Tyreese's idea of running for safety; he gets out of the car and calls all the zombies to come and get him as he wildly hacks all nearby zombies with his small butcher type knife (clearly he is still mad at the world and wants to hit things).  Since Tyreese called all the zombies, he's now fully surrounded and no one can see him anymore.  There's no hope in helping him, so the others leave him there to hack up zombies until he can't hack no more.

Come and get me zombies!

Who can spot the Tyreese going wild with tiny knife?
Meanwhile, at the prison Rick is silently observing the surrounding areas to find clues about the fire murders.  He follows the trail of blood, gives it an intense stare, spots Carol, and figured it out, BAM!  That's how mysteries are solved people!  Now for the confirmation.  He asks her if she did it, she says yes.  As simple as that!

Wow.  Really Carol, really?  You kill two people on a whim, for a reason that seemed like a good idea in your head, but was actually a bad idea, and you're going to act like it's no big deal?  You are on the path of Governess.

Now for a quick math lesson, large angry man + small knife + x zombies = large angry man with small knife and 0 zombies!  Tyreese and his psychotic hack fest really worked because he somehow managed to escape being literally covered in hundreds of zombies without being bit at all! Totally legit mathematical equation right there, take notes.

I have to say, it was pretty frickin awesome how Darryl stops to see whats coming at them.  It's two zombies, he aims to shoot an arrow in it's head, it falls, and right behind it is Tyreese.  HE'S ALIVE!!!  How on earth did they hide that big bulldozer of a man behind a regular sized zombie though?  I guess a combination of baggy clothes wearing zombies, awesome camera work, and or editing

I guess he was dealing with simple bully zombies, not hungry zombies.  They only wanted to claw at him and cop a few feels instead of eat him.  But I'm OK with this.  If the looney governor can survive being trapped amongst a horde of zombies with no escape route in site, so can Tyreese.  Let's just hope he's less suicidal in the future...

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